Good morning, my friends.
I welcome you today with a story. It isn’t easy turning rainbows into something more sinister, but here’s my go at it. Let me know if I’ve succeeded. I’m okay with failure, so let me know if I’ve done that too. One can’t learn from their mistakes if they never make any.
As always, a big thank you goes out to Madison Woods for the prompt photo and the Friday Fictioneers for wasting their time on my drabbles. Enjoy, guys (and girls)!
Oh and if you’re interested in picking up my short story collection Fright Night (just click the title, it’ll take you to the page on Amazon to download it), it’ll be free TOMORROW (May 19th) and also NEXT WEEKEND (May 26-28). You’ll need a kindle (not free) or kindle app (free and available for everything from PCs to smart phones) to read it. If you pick it up, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Facade
Timothy stood just shy of where the trees swallowed the field. A shimmer in the air amongst the trees held him mesmerized. He’d been warned to stay away from the forest that birthed rainbows. His mother said it marked the end of the world. The rainbows were a warning, she’d said.
Hand extended, he stepped forward. The trees swallowed his arm up to the elbow. There was no pain; his arm just vanished. A liquid ripple radiated in every direction from the amputated limb. He felt a tug on his missing arm and stumbled beyond the end of the world.
Adam Ickes 
May 18th, 2012 at 8:27 AM
I wasn’t scared. I’m anticipating it could get scary beyond this though. Don’t make the rainbows bad! Lol.
My attempt: https://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/fields-of-wildflowers/
May 18th, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Telling me not to make rainbows bad is like telling a boy not to pick on his little brother. It isn’t going to have the desired results. 🙂
May 18th, 2012 at 9:16 AM
Ahahaha. So noted.
May 18th, 2012 at 8:38 AM
I’m wondering what he finds *beyond* the end of the world 😉 Although I’m guessing if his arm’s been amputated already, he might not have many seconds to find out. Good writing. 🙂
Ours is here: http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/a-cordello-memory
May 18th, 2012 at 9:15 AM
I’m wondering what is beyond too, but I can tell you his arm wasn’t really amputated. What happened to it is more like putting your arm into dirty water. You can’t see it, but it’s still there.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:06 AM
Well that’s lucky for him, then 🙂
It has a slight echo of something we’ve written in Lazuli Book Two. But only very slight 😉
May 18th, 2012 at 8:50 AM
Certainly a chilly take on the prompt and a tough way to find out what his mother had warned him against. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-sinking-low/
May 18th, 2012 at 9:17 AM
A mother’s warning usually holds merit. I was young once and I learned that lesson. Thanks for reading!
May 18th, 2012 at 9:01 AM
Strange that rainbows should be vilified, a different take on the norm! Wonder what’s on the other side?
Mine’s this-a-way:
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/fridayfictioneers-rainbow-memorial/
May 18th, 2012 at 9:18 AM
Maybe one day we’ll know what’s on the other side. Until then, I’d advise you to steer clear of rainbows and forests so you don’t have to find out the hard way.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:06 AM
Good writing – though I’m not “into” the dark side. lol
May 18th, 2012 at 9:20 AM
Thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to read my writing, even if it isn’t really your thing. 🙂
May 18th, 2012 at 9:22 AM
Totally worked. I’m not scared yet, but completely drawn in.
Thanks for stopping by mine already 🙂
http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers/
May 18th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
I guess that makes you and Timothy similar in some way. 🙂
May 18th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
Yip, I think I’d be the one to press the forbidden button
Now I’m scared…
May 18th, 2012 at 9:53 AM
I’d be right behind you pressing that button too! If I wasn’t ahead of you pressing it first, that is.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:24 AM
Okay, I’ll never look at rainbows the same way again! 😉
May 18th, 2012 at 9:44 AM
I’ll take that as a compliment! Thanks for reading. 🙂
May 18th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
Nice dark take on the rainbow prompt.
Here’s mine
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/rainbows-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/
May 18th, 2012 at 9:47 AM
It wasn’t easy to go dark with a rainbow. The prompt seems to get more difficult every week.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:48 AM
I know. Too much sunshine this time. But I did like yours.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:34 AM
oh wow,loved the light mythology .. come back Timothy!
May 18th, 2012 at 9:38 AM
This could go either way…..I can see a fantasy adventure akin to Alice in Wonderland….
May 18th, 2012 at 9:46 AM
I was kind of thinking something along those lines myself, only darker than Alice’s little romp through Wonderland.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
Horror or fantasy? Not sure but it was good. Enjoyed it.
http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/pursuit-friday-fictioneers-may-2012/
May 18th, 2012 at 9:45 AM
If I continue the tale, it’ll probably being a horrific fantasy. Just typing “horrific fantasy” makes me want to continue this to see where it goes…
May 18th, 2012 at 9:43 AM
ouch…was wondering how you were gonna turn that into a horror tale, but u did too! nice.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:51 AM
Thanks! I think I rewrote this half a dozen times before I got something I was happy with. My first story wasn’t dark at all. I abandoned it immediately and racked my brain for a couple days for a new direction to take it in. I may have to continue this one to see what happens to Timothy.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:52 AM
oh please do!
May 18th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Very well done! The best horror writers take something beautiful and make it into something to be dreaded. You did that and now I want to know what is beyond the end of the world 🙂 http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers-2/
May 18th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
Thank you for the compliment. When I figure out what is beyond the end, I’ll have to let everyone in on the secret.
May 18th, 2012 at 10:27 AM
Can’t wait to read it!
May 18th, 2012 at 10:17 AM
You didn’t disappoint me, Adam. If anyone could turn a rainbow into something sinister, you’re the man. 😉 This story reminded me of a particular episode of the Twilight Zone where a little girl disappeared through a portal to another dimension in her wall.
I, on the other hand, went to the positive this time. Warning, Will Robinson! No one dies! http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/05/miracle.html
May 18th, 2012 at 10:24 AM
That’s quite the compliment. Thank you. I’ve not seen that episode of the Twilight Zone, but I’ve not seen most of them. The Twilight Zone was a bit ahead of my time, though I occasionally watch some reruns when I find them on TV.
No one dies? Oh, the horror! How inhumane of you to let them live! hehe just kidding. Checking out yours now!
May 18th, 2012 at 10:20 AM
Well, you succeeded. Thanks for making me afraid of rainbows, for pete’s sake. Nicely done!
Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/eirinn-go-brach/
May 18th, 2012 at 10:26 AM
Thanks, I think that may be the greatest compliment I’ve ever received! The good news: It’s hard to stay mad at a rainbow!
May 18th, 2012 at 10:34 AM
Ominous! you certainly conjure the menace of the rainbows in this piece. There are a few picky points from me, but if you don’t like line edits, skip straight to my link at the bottom.
“His mother said … She’d said” These are two different tenses. I think stick to one, unless you make the second bit refer to a specific occasion. “She’d once said” or “Only yesterday, she’d said” would be OK.
Having used “swallowed” in the first line (where it startled me, but I liked it for that), I think choose another word for what happens to his arm. Maybe “engulfed” or “ensnared”? Or something else that conjures the image you want.
Finally, amputated is a strange word in this context. I am assuming from the tug that the arm is actaully still attached to him, he just can’t see it anymore, whereas amputated suggests something much more violence than either that interpretation or the image you have created with “swallowed”.
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/friday-fiction-the-lie-of-the-land/
May 18th, 2012 at 10:37 AM
Your critiques are always appreciated. You make some excellent points. I’ll have to look into making some edits here when I have time. Thanks!
May 18th, 2012 at 11:27 AM
I did not sense a tragic end, did I?
^_____^
anyways,here’s mine: http://writeforacause.org/2012/05/18/friday-fictioneers-answered-prayer/
Please feel free to check it out…^_______^
May 18th, 2012 at 12:33 PM
To be honest, I’m not sure if it ends tragically or not. That’s the end of his time in his world, what happens wherever it is he’s gone has yet to be determined.
May 18th, 2012 at 1:00 PM
Nice job on darkening the rainbow. I wasn’t scared but anxious, what’s beyond? I also tried to spin the rainbow into something sinister.
http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/17/friday-fictioneers-luck-of-the/
May 18th, 2012 at 1:46 PM
That’s the million dollar question. I don’t yet have an answer to what’s beyond.
May 18th, 2012 at 2:00 PM
Adam I have to admit, that it does not seem horrible itself. The possibility for horror is there, but not so much this little bit. I think I’d do the same thing as your character and try it. My reasoning would be – how do we know it is the end of the world here? Has anyone ever come back? I don’t know I think maybe my curiosity would win out over the fear on this one. I really liked it though, sounds like an adventure I’d love to read about. Here’s mine: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/05/friday-flash-fiction-country-walk.html
May 18th, 2012 at 2:13 PM
I’m with you. I’d be one of those fools who goes beyond the edge of the world just to see what’s there.
May 18th, 2012 at 6:57 PM
Ooooh, I liked it— extremely creative and well done. I agree with elmo — dump one of the “swallowed”s. I liked “the forest that birthed rainbows” (although presumably that means he’s on another planet/dimension etc. because that’s not how things happen on earth 🙂 ) but “A shimmer in the air amongst the trees held him mesmerized.” threw me off. I think it was the use of amongst. I would suggest “amid” (or “amidst”) — it’s kind of in the same vein but readers may be more familiar with it in this context.
And the tense change threw me off, too, “mother’d” or “mother had” would also fix it—
I loved that the rainbows are a warning. “A liquid ripple radiated in every direction from the amputated limb.” is a tiny bit redundant (generally “radiated” suggests in every direction and “A liquid ripple radiated [insert description of how it radiated here, e.g., “sharply”] from the amputated limb [or, alternatively, insert description here, e.g., “, pulsating strangely”].” sounds cleaner.
I can’t wait to learn where he stumbled in to!
May 18th, 2012 at 8:33 PM
Thanks for the advice! I’ll take your suggestions under consideration for my future writings. Your time is much appreciated. 🙂
May 18th, 2012 at 9:02 PM
ohh interesting. what’s behind it?
http://storytreasury.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/friday-flash-dust-devils-lawn/
May 18th, 2012 at 9:31 PM
I’m not quite sure… yet. I may or may not continue this one to see where it goes. Only time will tell. Thanks for reading!
May 18th, 2012 at 9:06 PM
he shoulda listened. well done. mom was not clear enough. her fault.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:33 PM
You’re probably right. A kid who doesn’t listen is always a sign of poor parenting. The mom is totally at fault here. She should feel ashamed and probably deserves to be stoned (with actual stones, not weed) or something.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:35 PM
her guilt will hurt more than stones.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:37 PM
When you’re right, you’re right. I bow to your deep understanding of unfit parents.
May 18th, 2012 at 9:42 PM
taught their kids for 25 years.
May 19th, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Cooool
May 20th, 2012 at 5:33 PM
I felt distinctly disturbed at the tug on the amputated limb. Well done!
Kathy
http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/after/#comment-210
May 22nd, 2012 at 9:37 AM
Thanks, Kathy! Glad I was able to disturb you. That doesn’t sound quite right, but you get the point, I’m sure. 🙂
May 21st, 2012 at 1:08 AM
Changing what rainbows symbolise aye, is this piece of writing based in the future? Or fantasy?
May 22nd, 2012 at 9:36 AM
Honestly, I’m not sure. Quite possibly a bit of both. Only time will tell I suppose.
May 22nd, 2012 at 7:06 AM
Dear Adam,
My apologies for taking so long to arrive and read. This was a very well crafted 100 words. Just the right tone of local lore and matter of fact magic coupled with an ending that may be tragic…but then again…we really don’t know. A wide open ending. Well done.
May 22nd, 2012 at 9:34 AM
No worries, Doug. Glad you enjoyed the story. This may or may not get continued, I’m not quite sure yet. I have a feeling he’s just fine on the other side, for now anyway. We’ll see where the future takes him.