Destination Weirdsville: Weird American Laws – Exhibit A

All across this great nation of ours, there are laws out that were created long ago that stood the test of time even though they should have gone the way of the dinosaurs. In this three part series I’m going to inform you of one strange law from each of the fifty states. I advise you to live by these laws and treat them as gospel. Your knowledge of the obscure may result in you not going to jail or being fined. You’re welcome, friend.

Note: These laws may or may not actually exist. They were obtained from the all mighty interwebs and have not been checked for validity. They are presented here for entertainment purposes only.


Picture yourself in Lee County. It’s a beautiful Wednesday evening and the sun has just dropped below the horizon. Out of nowhere, you get a hankering for some peanuts. Sorry, you’re out of luck. In Lee County, it is illegal to sell peanuts on Wednesday after sundown. Hope you have a stash at home or you aren’t getting any.


Ah, the majestic Alaska. If you happen to find yourself riding in an airplane and your traveling companion is a moose, don’t you dare push that bad boy out the door until the plane comes to a complete stop. It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.


Shoplifters beware! If you steal soap, you may just end up being the cleanest theif in the state. In Mohave County, a decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.


Screw you, mother nature! Your laws don’t apply here. The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.


Have you ever found yourself riding shotgun in a car and you look over to see that there is no driver? You better damn well hope that ghost behind the wheel doesn’t accelerate beyond 60 miles per hour. No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.


I know the urge is strong to destroy buildings when you come across a catapult. Trust me, I’ve been there. But if you find yourself in Aspen Colorado, it’d be wise to let that urge fall to the wayside. In Aspen, catapults may not be fired at buildings.


I don’t often eat pickles, but when I do, they damn well better be official. In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce. Hope your floors are clean.


Let it be known that all hoochies in in Lewes, Delaware shall wear only baggy, saggy pants! It is illegal to wear pants that are “firm fitting” around the waist.


Say you’re riding your elephant down the street (because who doesn’t have a pet elephant, right?) and you decide to stop for a bite to eat and the only available parking is metered. You better have some change in those deep pockets of yours to feed that meter. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.


Don’t you just hate it when stupid laws prohibit you from carrying ice cream cones in your back pocket? Then you better stay away from Georgia on Sundays! No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.


What’s that? You love the ocean? Why not move to Hawaii? It’s surrounded by ocean on all sides! But, you don’t like boats? Better just stick with a visit rather than moving there then. All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.


Ladies in Idaho, I apologize that your man never buys you chocolates, but he does have a good reason. It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds. I know you’d like a fifty pound box of chocolate, but he just can’t afford that.


I always try to keep a single dollar bill in my wallet for this very reason. Never know when I’ll be traveling through Illinois. You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.


Indiana laughs at the laws of mathematics, spits in their face really. In Indiana, the value of Pi is 3. That’s right, just 3.


Do you live in Iowa? Do you fancy growing some facial hair? Please be advised that your “game” with the ladies with drop significantly. There will be no hanky-panky in public. Any man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.


Kansas is not good with word problems. My evidence? This paradoxical law: If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.


Who doesn’t love making a buck sell blue ducklings? I sure do. Just be sure to have at least seven ducklings on hand if you want to try out this get rich quick scheme in Kentucky. One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.

That’s all for now, folks. Have I missed your home state? Don’t worry! I’ll be back later with a completely new set of screwed up laws from seventeen different states.


5 responses to “Destination Weirdsville: Weird American Laws – Exhibit A

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