Untrue Confession​s of a Thirty- Som​ething Fibber

Confession # 1:

A year ago, I was bitten by a shark. Well that’s not exactly totally true. I wasn’t so much bitten as I was devoured.  Sucker was so hungry he swallowed me in one single gulp. His teeth never even touched me. Hard to believe, I know, but I assure you it is an entirely true and accurate account of the time we put a fish tank in my daughter’s bedroom.

Confession #2:

Have I ever told you about the time I raced against a bobcat? No? Well you’re in for a real treat. I was hiking one day and there was this bobcat just standing there in the middle of the trail acting all cocky- as bobcats do- and he says to me, “Hey, buddy! Bet I can beat you back to your car.” Naturally I was confused. How did he even know where I parked? I figured I had an advantage for that very reason. I wasn’t wrong either. He took off running in the exact opposite direction. Bobcats might be cocky, but they aren’t very smart. Needless to say, I won the race.

Confession # 3:

I went bungee jumping once. It was a blast until the cord snapped and I plummeted into the shallow river below. I’m fairly certain I died that day, but no one talks about it. They just act like it never happened when I try to bring it up. How am I supposed to get any closure if they won’t let me?