Photo Copyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy
“Captain, I’m approaching a cavern entrance. Shall I attempt entry?”
A garbled voice returned through the speaker in his helmet.
“Please repeat.”
When no one replied he looked up at the shimmering surface high above. “Captain, please advise.”
Again, no answer came. He started for the surface.
He pulled himself onto the boat and removed his helmet. “It’s in there. I can feel it!”
He looked around at the deserted, crumbling vessel. It looked as though it’d been rotting, unmanned at sea for years, but he was only under the surface for less than an hour.
“What in God’s name?”
—
This post was written for Friday Fictioneers.
Adam Ickes 
April 16th, 2014 at 7:40 AM
Great tension. Enjoyed that one – and garbled…just the right word.
April 16th, 2014 at 2:32 PM
Thanks. Glad you liked it.
April 16th, 2014 at 7:55 AM
That’s creepy. Now I’m curious as to what happened.
April 16th, 2014 at 2:33 PM
Never go diving in the triangle. Bad things tend to happen.
April 16th, 2014 at 3:19 PM
I remember a Ducktales episode like that, which makes me feel rather old.
April 16th, 2014 at 8:24 AM
Of all the things that could be wrong I didn’t expect that ending, Adam. I love being surprised. Good one.
April 16th, 2014 at 2:33 PM
Thanks, Karen.
April 16th, 2014 at 8:49 AM
Good surprise ending. I thought the trouble was going to be under the water. Seems like he’s dealing with some type of time warp here. Good story, Adam.
April 16th, 2014 at 2:34 PM
I almost went with trouble in the cave, but that seemed too obvious.
April 16th, 2014 at 9:08 AM
Great build-up to that creepy ending – well told
April 16th, 2014 at 2:34 PM
Thanks.
April 16th, 2014 at 9:24 AM
I had to read this a couple of times before I understood! What a curious incident. I hope he can make his way back home!
April 16th, 2014 at 2:35 PM
I wonder if his home will have changed in someway if he does find a way back.
April 16th, 2014 at 10:07 AM
Great story, my curiosity is piqued.
April 16th, 2014 at 2:36 PM
Glad you enjoyed it. I have a longer story in mind for this if I ever get around to writing it.
April 16th, 2014 at 10:47 AM
Love the time-warp idea. What will happen next?
April 16th, 2014 at 2:37 PM
That has yet to be decided.
April 16th, 2014 at 12:17 PM
the last line – shouldn’t it be “what IN god’s name?”
April 16th, 2014 at 2:38 PM
You are correct. I need to fire that slacker editor of mine. Thanks for pointing out the mistake.
April 16th, 2014 at 2:45 PM
Very happy to help
April 16th, 2014 at 12:22 PM
Uh-oh, something of a mystery building up here, Adam. I loved the increasing tension of the first half(ish). I’d personally have liked a bit more subtlety in the reveal, taking the old and dubious “show don’t tell” line of writing, but there’s nothing wrong with it as it stands, I only speak from personal preference.
April 16th, 2014 at 12:28 PM
Sort of agree with Elmo here i.e. simply describing the boat as being rusty and very old looking would do for me. Think people would then assume the time lapse bit without it being explained. Good idea though!
April 16th, 2014 at 2:43 PM
I certainly see your point, and I don’t disagree. If I’d had more time to edit I likely would have whittled it down some more.
April 16th, 2014 at 12:31 PM
I hate you. So much. Why do you have to leave us hanging like that, or should I say swimming? I’m thinking about going to watch a couple episodes of Lost after I get done writing :-p.
Thanks for the good read this week!
Rich
April 16th, 2014 at 2:46 PM
I like to think of it as leaving it open to the imagination. The possibilities are endless for where your mind could take him now that he’s on the eerie boat.
April 16th, 2014 at 3:44 PM
I like to do that too 🙂 it gives more room in the story. As a reader, I hate to admit it, but I love it too. Makes me keep turning te pages. Lol
April 16th, 2014 at 12:59 PM
Thanks for not doing horror this week, although this would be horrible. I agree with Jen and Paul, but enjoyed the story nonetheless.
janet
April 16th, 2014 at 2:48 PM
To me, this is still horror, but I have a vague idea of where I’d like to go with it, so that could be why.
April 16th, 2014 at 1:08 PM
Great opener, I want to know what happened next 😉
April 16th, 2014 at 2:49 PM
Only time will tell… or should that be “in time I will tell”?
April 16th, 2014 at 5:50 PM
That’s a real Twilight Zone one there, sir. (Umm, you remember the Twilight Zone,right?) Well done, but of course, we want to know what’s next!
April 17th, 2014 at 9:34 AM
Yes, I remember the Twilight Zone.
April 16th, 2014 at 6:16 PM
Oooh, great, imaginative spooky tale. I like where you took this one, Adam!
April 17th, 2014 at 9:34 AM
Thanks, Amy.
April 16th, 2014 at 7:36 PM
Very mysterious. Great job!
April 17th, 2014 at 9:35 AM
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.
April 16th, 2014 at 8:47 PM
Dear Adam,
We used to refer to my son’s room as the Bermuda Rectangle, but that’s another story.
You’ve left me in limbo. I think this scene should be shot in black and white to up the tension.
Good one.
shalom,
Rochelle
April 17th, 2014 at 9:36 AM
The Bermuda Rectangle… ha, I like that.
Black and white would certainly be good for this one.
April 16th, 2014 at 9:52 PM
Ooooh – I like this. Very out of this dimension.
April 17th, 2014 at 9:37 AM
Thanks Rosy. I really should get to writing the rest of this one.
April 16th, 2014 at 11:15 PM
Really enjoyed this one. Very unexpected,
April 17th, 2014 at 9:37 AM
Glad you liked it, Shandra.
April 16th, 2014 at 11:53 PM
A different approach this time Adam – and the triangle do gobble up stuff – including “time” now it seems !… loved it
April 17th, 2014 at 9:39 AM
The triangle is a hungry, hungry beast. I have no intention of ever going near its pie/plane/boat/etcetera hole.
April 17th, 2014 at 3:27 AM
this has to be one of my favorite stories from you. i liked the silent sense of dread. such an eerie ending!
April 17th, 2014 at 9:39 AM
Thanks, K.Z. That means a lot coming from you.
April 17th, 2014 at 6:41 AM
Cruel time … tricks us all sometimes. Very unexpected ending. Loved it!
April 17th, 2014 at 9:42 AM
Time is a cruel mistress indeed. Never even asks our opinions on anything. Just does things her way and if you don’t like it that’s just tough.
April 17th, 2014 at 9:22 AM
Great story! Nice build-up and I wasn’t expecting that ending.
I hope the boat’s not too knackered to get him back to dry land.
April 17th, 2014 at 9:43 AM
The real question is what will he find if he makes it back to dry land?
April 17th, 2014 at 3:28 PM
Well done, Adam. I like the lead up to the twist. Like Paul and Jen I think you could leave out the detail about how long he’d been down… it’s clear from the dialogue and events, and would be a bit more chilling without the “show.” Otherwise, I really liked this one.
April 17th, 2014 at 10:11 PM
Adam, I absolutely love this. This is really my kind of story: creepy with no explanation. Great job.
April 17th, 2014 at 10:15 PM
Adam
Well done!
Regards,
Jim
April 18th, 2014 at 6:44 AM
I feel like singing, “Let’s do the time warp again,” from Rocky Horror Picture Show.
April 18th, 2014 at 5:17 PM
Very clever story – it made me shiver.
April 18th, 2014 at 8:55 PM
Oh, dear, I swear I wrote mine before I read this. 😉
Here ’tis: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/one-small-step/
April 18th, 2014 at 8:57 PM
Yikes! Very entertaining.
April 19th, 2014 at 1:44 PM
Adam, What IN God’s name indeed. Either he was 10,000 leagues under or leapt into the fountain of youth or my theory is right and time travel happens through water portals. Very intriguing. Of course now you left me wanting more.
April 20th, 2014 at 1:39 AM
Wow Adam, you know how to dish out goose bumps! Excellent story! I really like your story. What happened to him? Where did everybody else go? AWESOME mystery! Nan 🙂
April 20th, 2014 at 9:58 AM
My kind of story 🙂 One that doesn’t end with the last word, but leaves you wanting more, and thinking on. Great stuff 🙂
April 21st, 2014 at 5:41 PM
Took me a second read to pick this one up. Asks lots of questions, this story