
PHOTO PROMPT Copyright- The Reclining Gentleman
He went there to forget, to let go of the memories, but instead sat on the bench remembering everything about her. He remembered her smile more than anything else. That smile was infectious, alluring, and somehow timid all at the same time.
A boat in the water caught his eye. It looked like her. He saw her everywhere since he’d squeezed the life out of her in a fit of rage. Random strangers looked like her. Inanimate objects looked like her. Even his own reflection staring back at him looked like her. Her smile, though, was gone. He missed it.
—
Written for Friday Fictioneers.
October 22nd, 2014 at 7:28 AM
Dear Adam,
I’m surprised the police haven’t missed her and put his murderous buns in prison. You took me one direction and then jerked me around to another. Subtle.
Shalom,
Rochelle
October 22nd, 2014 at 7:29 AM
Dear Adam,
Sad and true to life, though your MC sounds a bit deranged. I like the way you presented all that goes on as ‘normal’ in his world view. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
October 22nd, 2014 at 7:45 AM
I was confused at first – a boat looks like her? But, now I see, the man is haunted by her and what he did, and sees her in literally everything. Nice.
Claire
October 22nd, 2014 at 7:46 AM
Chilling end.. sounds like he has no remorse for his actions…
October 22nd, 2014 at 8:45 AM
Quite a fellow, right? Nicely crafted story.
October 22nd, 2014 at 11:18 AM
Almost Tell-Tale Heart-like. Very good 🙂
October 22nd, 2014 at 12:18 PM
A lot of sadness and regret here. And at some point there will be confinement at the state’s pleasure, I hope.
October 22nd, 2014 at 12:37 PM
I’m glad he sees her everywhere!
October 22nd, 2014 at 2:58 PM
This started off as a little clichéd (although still very well-written), but the boat, the squeezing … you took us along a path and then crumbled the grond beneath us. Excellent!
October 22nd, 2014 at 3:52 PM
Ouch! Nice way to weave the smile throughout the story.
October 22nd, 2014 at 4:35 PM
Haunting, just as he’s haunted. Well done, Adam.
janet
October 22nd, 2014 at 5:21 PM
Well, there’s no time to spike the virgin Cuba Libre today, so you’ll have to deal with my sober notes this time around. (Does that mean I can’t be your favorite minion anymore?)
I actually liked this story until the part about choking the life out of her. Somehow your character doesn’t seem paranoid enough although he has reason to be. However, there is an air of “The Tale-Tell Heart” here. I’d love to see you develop it even beyond the 100 words.
All my best,
Marie Gail
October 22nd, 2014 at 10:48 PM
I’m thinking that there’s more than one way to squeeze the life out of someone. His rage may not have been a one-off attack, but a continual weight for her to bear, so that her smile died. This seems more the kind of ‘murdering’ this man is likely to be guilty of. I could sense the remorse of a serially abusive man here – remorse that would disappear next time his buttons were pushed. Am I off-track? I did enjoy your story. It got me thinking (obviously).
Marg
October 23rd, 2014 at 12:53 AM
I started out feeling sorry for him, and then you flipped that on its head. Clever writing, Adam.
October 23rd, 2014 at 4:06 AM
I was waiting for “the dark” as I read! I like to think her memory/ghost is going to hound him for the rest of his life.
October 23rd, 2014 at 7:43 AM
Adam, I seem to see a man on the verge of insanity, if not already there. He’s obsessed. I wonder if he’ll eventually turn himself in. Well written. 🙂 — Susan
October 23rd, 2014 at 9:37 AM
I read a lot of sadness in your work. Nice take on the picture prompt
October 23rd, 2014 at 11:18 AM
Great story inspired by Poe. I like the twist.
October 23rd, 2014 at 8:36 PM
Great story, he will be forever haunted by her! I really enjoyed the read.
October 24th, 2014 at 1:14 PM
Ooops…. maybe he shouldn’t have squeezed so tight after all.
October 25th, 2014 at 1:27 AM
I thought this was going to be a romance story … until the end. Nice twist. You got me … and the police needs to get him.
October 25th, 2014 at 2:32 AM
Dear Adam, Hey, do you have an alibi for last Friday night? Just kidding, this is creepy good – and I hope he drives himself mad seeing her everywhere and on everything. Great job Adam! Nan 🙂
October 25th, 2014 at 5:37 AM
Loved it. The bait-and-switch romance angle flicked to a murder story… great stuff. Well written and interesting story.