
PHOTO PROMPT – Copyright – Georgia Koch
It’s hard to believe she’s still there, exactly where I left her, completely untouched after all these years. She’s just sitting there at the edge of the river rotting away to nothing, a mere shell of what she once was. I told myself I would never come back to this awful place, that it was best left in the past, but the gnawing need to apologize for leaving her this way grew too intense. I’ll always regret abandoning her on the edge of that dirty river in that little run down boat. I just wasn’t ready to be a father.
—
This is pretty dark for a story written on my birthday, but I tend to go that way with my writing, so I can’t say it’s much of a surprise. I’m not sure if the “she” in the boat is the baby or the pregnant woman. Either way, it’s bad.
On a lighter note, my wife (to my knowledge) still hasn’t hired that hitman yet. Another year older and I get to carry on awhile longer. Hopefully I can avoid making her too mad until my next birthday.
Written for Friday Fictioneers.
Click here for stories from the other Fictioneers.
August 24th, 2016 at 9:12 PM
Happy Birthday
August 25th, 2016 at 1:14 AM
Bravo! The twist was beautiful.
August 25th, 2016 at 2:42 AM
Oh that was well-written. I didn’t see that coming
August 25th, 2016 at 4:19 AM
A too common theme… especially a father… usually it would be a mother doing this….
August 25th, 2016 at 4:40 AM
Chilling tale, lovely twist at the end. Happy Birthday!
August 25th, 2016 at 6:33 AM
Ooh, very dark. I love your footnote – “Either way, it’s bad”. Yup 🙂
Happy birthday!
August 25th, 2016 at 7:06 AM
Happy Birthday, Adam. This happens. Very sad. I think it will take more than an apology to right the ship.
August 25th, 2016 at 7:54 AM
Dear Adam,
Either way it’s a chilling story. Happy birthday. (Mine is next week, on the 4th. 😉 )
Shalom,
Rochelle
August 25th, 2016 at 8:57 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🙂 Love your story.
August 25th, 2016 at 9:29 AM
there’s nothing i can say that hasn’t already been said about the story within, but here’s a suggestion to save words so you can add more words elsewhere:
“It’s hard to believe she’s still there, exactly where I left her, completely untouched after all these years. She’s just sitting there at the edge of the river…”
remove “it’s” and “she’s” at the beginning of these sentences. then read it aloud and hear how it sounds more conversational, more like just anyone talking to themselves:
“Hard to believe she’s still there, exactly where I left her, completely untouched after all these years. Just sitting there at the edge of the river…”
it’s internal dialogue, so you can break rules if you want – not that you don’t already know about breaking rules.
well done.
August 25th, 2016 at 12:15 PM
Very dark tale and wishing you a very happy birthday!
August 25th, 2016 at 6:49 PM
Happy belated birthday my friend.
August 26th, 2016 at 6:36 AM
That was dark! I didn’t see it coming.
Happy Birthday!
August 26th, 2016 at 6:04 PM
That is a great twist, sad and dark. And Happy Birthday! 🙂
August 30th, 2016 at 8:18 AM
Happy belated birthday, Adam!! Yes, that dark ending was to be expected all right. Good writing. 🙂 — Suzanne
April 26th, 2017 at 2:44 AM
Oh my, this was amazing!! Loved it
April 26th, 2017 at 8:59 AM
Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it.