This post was inspired by the following Friday Fictioneers photo prompt by Madison Woods:
I’m going to do something a bit different today. I actually wrote two stories for this prompt. I was going to pick between the two and post my favorite here, but I couldn’t decide so I’m just going to post both. Feel free to comment on either or both. Enjoy!
Elixir
“One drop will change your life!” the street vendor proclaimed.
“Leave me alone.”
“Tell you what, I’ll give you a sample. Won’t cost a dime!”
“Somehow I doubt that.”
The vendor’s eyes shifted nervously. He leaned in and whispered, “Please, just take the sample. They’ll kill me if you don’t! Whatever you do, don’t drink it. Just take it and trash it.”
***
The small vial sat on the table calling his name. He stared at the bottle wondering what was inside. The only legible word on the label was ‘elixir’. Everything else was in Chinese.
“One sip couldn’t hurt, right?”
Leaky Faucet
Drip. Drip. Drip.
He stared at her with a mixture of fear and pain swirling in his eyes. She looked down at the red pool growing on the floor. Each drop made it just a little larger.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“I can’t believe you just hit me!”
She smiled. She didn’t intend on punching him, but he’d provoked her with his aggressive attitude. She only wanted to shut him up, not make him bleed.
“I think you broke my goddamn nose!”
Drip. Drip. Drip.
She shrugged and chuckled at how quickly he’d turned from tough guy to whining little baby.
Adam Ickes 
April 20th, 2012 at 9:18 AM
I really liked “Elixir” – the vendor is a wonderfully drawn character!
My own piece took off in the direction of your second…
http://kbnelson.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/friday-flash-fiction-my-cup-runneth-over/
April 21st, 2012 at 10:11 AM
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. Checking out yours now.
April 20th, 2012 at 11:41 AM
well done. instead of the vendor’s eyes shifting nervously, just say they shifted. let us figure out why, that’s the fun of being a reader.
April 21st, 2012 at 10:12 AM
I have problems with using too many words on occasion. Hard to believe one can use too many words in a 100 word piece, but it happens. Thanks for the advice.
April 20th, 2012 at 11:48 AM
I liked the first one best. You managed to convey the desperate urgency of the vendor in a few words, and I feel like screaming at him to leave the damn phial alone.
Think you’ve been to mine but anyway:
http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/spellbound-friday-fictioneers-april-2012/
April 21st, 2012 at 10:20 AM
Yeah I was leaning more toward the first myself but decided to post them both anyway since they’re so short.
April 20th, 2012 at 12:07 PM
Both stories are good, well-written too. The first is my favourite, with a real sense of wonder as to what this “elixir” can/will do if quaffed.
I ended up with two stories too, must be something in the water (terrible pun alert):
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/fridayfictioneers-death-and-life/
April 21st, 2012 at 10:22 AM
I too would like to know what is in the vial, but unfortunately I can’t read Chinese so it’s a mystery to me as well.
April 20th, 2012 at 12:52 PM
I hold my breath when I read your stories because I anticipate being scared. I loved both of these! The second one made me laugh because that last line was so true. Great job.
My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/water-the-earth/
April 21st, 2012 at 10:23 AM
Hope I didn’t scare you too much this week. Terror wasn’t really the intent this time around. I was going for more of a “curiosity killed the cat”/”revenge is sweet” kind of feeling this week.
April 21st, 2012 at 10:43 AM
I wasn’t scared (I probably should’ve said that), I was just expecting to be frightened. They were great stories.
April 21st, 2012 at 10:50 AM
Maybe next week I’ll return to the norm and try to scare you 🙂
April 20th, 2012 at 1:41 PM
Well both of these stories are good – but your first one is great – Elixer – so O’Henry ish – and sinister – and charmingly told.
The second one, because I am not sure about the necessity for the violence – not sure whether to believe it was necessary – she could be the bully after all, I am ambivalent about it. It is good – just kind of unsettling, but not in a good way…
Yours,
Laura
Mine is really here this time: http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com
April 20th, 2012 at 3:07 PM
I enjoyed them both, very much. If you put a gun to my head, which by the sound of things you would likely enjoy, even so much as to be giddy while rivulets of sweat sluiced down my spine, I would select the first story. The unknown factor is savory.
April 20th, 2012 at 3:08 PM
By the by…mine is a quick read if you please.
http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/
April 21st, 2012 at 10:27 AM
You can’t tell it by my writing, but I am actually a very gentle person so I surprisingly wouldn’t enjoy putting a gun to your head. I tend to reserve the darker side of myself for release in my stories.
April 20th, 2012 at 3:10 PM
They’re both great! Maybe you could even combine the two, with the first being a follow-up of the second.
Here’s my tale: http://wp.me/p24aJS-3Z
April 21st, 2012 at 10:27 AM
Never thought of combining the two, Could be an interesting possibility.
April 20th, 2012 at 6:11 PM
I loved both these tales and found myself dying to know the rest of the story. I am so impressed!
Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneer-5/
April 21st, 2012 at 10:29 AM
Thanks so much! I’m glad you enjoyed my stories. Maybe some day I’ll get around to penning the rest of the tales, though it may only be 100 words at a time as part of the Friday Fictioneers.
April 20th, 2012 at 11:44 PM
Both very cool short stories, Adam. I think I liked the first one a bit better. (Couldn’t help myself from thinking “NO! You fool! Don’t go near that vial!”)
Second one: also awesome. Liked that the drip drip drip provided a repeating cadence to the piece.
Here’s humorous take: http://the-drabbler.com/splat/
April 21st, 2012 at 10:30 AM
Human curiosity can be a killer, quite literally, but we all are guilty of it sometimes.
April 21st, 2012 at 10:52 AM
I liked them both…but if I had to vote, I would choose the first one. The mystery of it…and the shifty nervous eyes of the Chinese. Wonder who was watching? Here’s mine: http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
April 21st, 2012 at 11:04 AM
Most people are choosing the first, myself included. I tried to comment on yours, but sometimes commenting on blogspot doesn’t work right with a wordpress account so it wouldn’t let me. I enjoyed your lighthearted take on the prompt.
April 21st, 2012 at 11:23 AM
OK, before I read anyone else’s thoughts, I will say I preferred the first. It felt a little more like something was about to begin. It reminded me of Alice in Wonderland in a way. The second one was good, but I had a hard time relating to the woman – she was kind of a bully. 🙂
Mine, late as it is, is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/flash-friday-fiction-8/
April 22nd, 2012 at 9:48 AM
Hmmm. Alice in Wonderland you say? That opens up a whole new world of possibilities with where I could go with it, though I hadn’t really thought too much about if/when I’ll extend it to be something more.
April 21st, 2012 at 10:59 PM
I really liked the first one a lot. It would be hard for me to have trashed it, too, so I’m glad he didn’t. Not sure I’d drink it without trying it out on something else first though… but it sounds like you could build a whole story around this one. And the second one too seems to have a story in it, but I didn’t connect so well with it. Lots of you were very inspired by this photo and I thought I was going to hear more moaning and groaning about it than I did, LOL. I had a second story too, but I’m using it for the prologue in my wip.
April 22nd, 2012 at 9:50 AM
First one is preferred seems to be the consensus. Even I think the first is better than the second. I may just have to disappear into my mind for a bit and see where that one takes me.